Showing posts with label stupid things that fall out of my head. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupid things that fall out of my head. Show all posts

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Mexico: A Dog’s Life

It sucks to be a dog in Mexico. As a dog you start your life all cute and fuzzy. You get all the attention in the world. The kids won’t stop playing with you. They’ll squish you, punch you, and basically beat you up. While that might not sound like fun at least you’re getting attention. Come the time when you lose your good looks, cuteness and fuzziness then the humans will lose interest in you. You’ll be relegated to the streets to fend for yourself. You’ll spend your days wandering the streets in search of food while at the same time watching out for the other dogs out there that’ll rape you. You’ll do the best you can but you can’t avoid them all and one day you’ll end up pregnant, have your babies and wind up all decrepit looking. Then one day you’ll wake up with your butt attached to another dog’s butt via... I don't know what. How that happened nobody knows (Yes, Kevin and I actually saw two dogs stuck together like this. It was not a pretty sight.) You and the other dog try hopelessly to break free of each other while other dogs attack you and have their way with you. Eventually a big dog comes by and gives you a good walloping causing you to flip over the other dog and break free. Ashamed you and the other dog limp off in separate ways. If you’re lucky in life maybe two cyclists will pass you by and give you the opportunity to chase and bark at them. They come and go and you return to wandering the streets. Eventually your misery ends with a large truck spreading your entrails all over the road.

Meanwhile the humans have gone off to the market in search of a new fuzzy playtoy from the collection of puppies being carted around town in small cages.

Friday, August 12, 2011

The Lizard and the Snake

On the side of the road a small lizard spies a half full Coke bottle sitting there. The bottle is without its cap so the lizard approaches to take a sip. As the lizard gets closer a snake appears out from behind the Coke bottle. The lizard stops dead in its tracks.

The snake asks, “What’s wrong? Don’t you want some of this tasty drink?”

The lizard nervously replies, “If I get any closer you’re going to eat me.”

The snake answers, “I will do no such thing. I’m just out on the road sunbathing and would like some company. Go ahead and take your drink I won’t bother you.”

The lizard stays silent and backs up closer to the side of the road.

The snake says, “Don’t go. I merely want some company. I promise I will not eat you.”

The lizard again stays silent and backs up, this time making it off the road.

The snake says, “Why are you retreating? I promise you no harm.”

The lizard stays still not uttering a word.

The snake calls out, “You must be parched in this dry heat. Come over here and take a dri...” But before the snake can utter another word, up from behind comes me on my bicycle running over the snake.

The lizard, after I’ve passed and the road is once again clear, hops back out on the road and makes its way to the Coke bottle to take a sip.

Always be aware of what’s coming from behind when you’re out on the road. There are some crazy drivers out there.